Moving on from the Old Ways

Sometimes you have to find a new way. Too often we get stuck on our paths even if we know they’re not taking us where we want to go. There’s lots of reasons for this, the familiar is easy and comfortable, change is hard and scary, or we simply don’t know any other way. We even fight to stay on the old path when it’s very clear it doesn’t work anymore. So how do we change paths then?

When you’re feeling stuck there are several helpful tools you can use to help you find direction. The first is the practice of mindfulness. The regular practice of mindful meditation and self-awareness can help you let go of the unhelpful thinking that holds you back, those thoughts that tell us we’re not worth it, it’s too dangerous to change, or simply that we can’t do it. A second approach is journaling. While there are many methods of journaling, the approach I find most helpful is the Morning Pages routine from Julia Cameron’s Artist’s Way. Morning Pages are simply three hand-written pages completed first thing in the morning before your brain switches all the filters on. Just write whatever comes to mind and don’t stop until you finish the three pages. Doing this consistently every morning over the course of several weeks you’ll begin see with better clarity what’s holding you back, which in turn allows you to begin identifying steps you can take to create change in your life. Another helpful tool for opening yourself up to possibilities also comes from Julia Cameron’s Artist’s Way. She calls this tool the Artist’s Date and you don’t need to be an artist to use either of these. The Artist’s Date is simply taking yourself on a solo outing each week to a place that intrigues you in some way. This could be to an interesting shop you always pass but never stop to go into, a museum, a park, a class, or whatever seems interesting or different. By doing this you’re opening up your mind to new possibilities. Walking is another simple tool that is readily available to most of us. Not walking the dog or with anyone, but simply walking alone with awareness of what’s around you and what you’re thinking and doing.

Now you can expect resistance with all these activities. Your brain doesn’t like change and it’s going to provide a multitude of reasons why you can’t do these things. That’s OK because it’s to be expected, you just have to be determined and soon whichever of these tools you use will become something you look forward to. If your resistance to starting remains high, I suggest you take a sheet of paper and list out the reasons or excuses you have for not doing things. Write out every one and you’ll soon see that most of the reasons are frivolous and just another form of unhelpful thinking. Plug in “unhelpful thinking styles” into google and you’ll get a good sampler of unhelpful thinking patterns, we all have them and once aware of them we can counter them.

It’s not too late change tracks in your life, but it does take some work on your part. Intentions are good but it’s the actions you take that make the difference and take you where want to go. Small steps can lead to a great journey. Let me know how it goes.

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Healing with the Waves

Like a beautiful piece of beach glass each of us a unique creation capable of great things. Life is hard and sometimes we break as the more difficult times overtake us. And when we’re most broken, when we feel there is no hope, it can feel like we’re drowning. But similar to the broken, jagged glass in the water, time helps us heal and reforms us like the restless waves reshape the glass. Without the waves, the rocks, and the time underwater, the glass would remain jagged and broken. But over time the waves smooth the sharp edges and a gentle sheen begins to form. And as more time goes on, you slowly get closer to the shore and eventually you find yourself on the beach. It’s there that you begin to shine like a precious jewel sparkling in the sun. And if look you closely around the beach, you’ll see that you’re never truly alone. Each journey to the beach is unique, but the healing and wisdom that was gained along the way makes each journey precious. So let the beauty and uniqueness of each piece of beach glass teach us how, despite our difficult times and scars, we too are beautiful and unique.

You are Important

You matter. Your voice matters. Your actions matter.

What’s Real?

I spend a lot of time helping people think about what’s real. I don’t mean that all the people I see are delusional and ungrounded. In the age of the internet we are inundated with news, events, and a lifetime of experiences that can lead our thinking to be inaccurate and unhelpful and we can easily lose sight of what’s real and accurate.

So it’s important to spend a few moments thinking about what’s real.

Before we hit that share button on Facebook.

Before we accept the media’s account of events and current affairs.

And most importantly, before we accept our own negative self talk.

As we’ve seen over and over again, Facebook and the internet in general, perpetuates falsehoods and outright lies, often for years after a story has been debunked. The nature of the internet and media allows us too easily to see and hear only the stories and opinions that support and reinforce our own personal point of view. This can lead us to a very biased view of the world that is blissfully unaware and/or unsympathetic of alternative ways of understanding. It also feeds the anxiety and unsettled feelings so many of us carry; feelings that affect our attitudes and often, our health.

But it’s our own internal dialogue that can be the most harmful. That inner voice telling us we’re not good enough, smart enough, etc. We come to a point fairly early in life where we passively accept that voice despite any evidence demonstrating that we are good, we are smart, and we have good things to offer the world.

Maybe it’s time to try turning off the computer, the news feeds, the inner voice. The first two are easier—simply unplug the electronics. Talk with friends, engage in interesting activities, connect with nature. These actions will also help tame the inner voice. Mindfulness meditation also helps calm the inner voice by raising our awareness, which is a first step in learning to change that dialogue.

Begin by asking yourself, is it real?